Impressions

currently listening to Soulstice, admiring their talent and thankful that i got to meet them tonight.

today's post was going to be about holding grudges. it was going to be about how letting go of grudges i held against people in the past has helped me release a swarming amount of hostility in everything i do today.

until i started to think about first impressions. it is so vital for anyone who meets someone new. i can trace back to freshman year in high school where my anxiety to meet new people was through the roof. but of course first impressions was everything. it felt like i had to live up to some sort of facade in order to fit in. it ranged from the clothes i wore, the type of lingo i spoke, and the people i surrounded myself with.

i know somewhere in the back of my head all of that shouldn't matter. and if someone wanted to be my friend then they would look past my imperfections and accept as i am. but, realistically what i'm saying now never once crossed my mind.

i have continuously watch people morph into someone i didn't think they would ever become. occasionally i question myself and hope that i don't play this persona when i meet someone new as well. i don't want to drift off from what i portrayed me to be. lately, i've tried to stay true to myself. i've tried to be whole heartily honest with all my friends, family and even acquaintances.

winter quarter just begun and the first couple days of class are solely bittersweet. i always break the ice to those around me so people know that i'm approachable. after day one i started to casually get to know everyone and many of them are not who i expected them to be.

people tend to jump to conclusions and judge others by the way the look. this problem has became a norm and not unusual. although, i feel as if we miss out on good friendships because of this shameful tactic. behind what all of us see could be the most genuine person you will ever meet. i learned that quickly when i decided to find friendships through interests rather than looks.

today, i met someone who seemed so genuine at heart. they gave off this facade that almost made him seem like he was competent to do anything. after about 15 minutes of a conversation about school, work and interests i learned that this role he was illustrating to me was nothing that i thought it was.
apparently he is in trouble with the law, owes an excessive amount of money, and is on probation.
i was in collision with what he told me from what i actually learned through someone else about him.

why try so hard to impress someone when you can't stand behind the truth. yeah, for some it may be embarrassing but building up all these lies and substituting truth with artificial facts just becomes a bad habit.
i'm actually disappointed that he turned about to be this kind of person but honestly, this isn't the first time.

where the true, whole hearted people out there? my trust for people are becoming weary and dry and it shouldn't be this way. i become most connected with people who are honest and confident. when people are blatant and share something slightly embarrassing about themselves actually makes me feel comfortable and gives me an odd sense of trust with that person. maybe i'm just crazy, but you should try it. i tell my sisters all the time to look past people and pretend you were blind and getting to know them. for all four of us, this strategy to make good friends actually turns out be the most incredible people in our lives.

Dom