Caved in

Currently listening to Adele and blogging from the IPad.

Today has just been one of those days. One of those days where all I want to do is lock myself in room and peacefully sleep. All I wanted today was to shut my world down and find inner peace. Ive been a Debbie downer all day and thats pretty unusual for me. I have a heavy heart that hurts pretty deep. Ive mastered the ability to hide my feelings and lately it has taken over me. I tend to bottle up emotions and set them aside. Then, of course at one point I will crash. I make a mess of myself and become hysterical face deep in my pillow.

There has been tension thicker than a cloud of smog today. Unfinished business and discussions left to collect dust and build without some sort of compromise. Having a hard time opening up and expressing my feelings leaves me feeling hopeless. It may be because I'm afraid of the reaction or the thoughts someone will have about me. I grew up never really discussing things that bothered me. So in my defense i am not sure how to cope with talking about how I feel.

I know that life isn't suppose to be ideally perfect. But I hardly have bad days and when I do my first thought is "my life is caving in." yes, its a little over dramatic but I am the only one to blame. My life changes daily and obstacles only become harder. I thrive to work on being a better person and the thought of failing is an immense feeling that I want to relinquish.

Just as I thought today was an awful day I just received as phone call from someone that was so important in my life. He called to checkup on me and to see how I was doing. Just as I felt like I was at the bottom of a pit he encouraged me to fight through my problems and work it out. That little sense of encouragement from someone who still cares keeps me going. It only makes me want to strive harder and show that I have become strong enough to not let something minor bring me down.

Despite it being a mentally straining day I'm thankful to still have those people in my life to uplift my spirits and remind me not to become like the people out there that are missing out on life because they allow their struggles and problems to take over their life.

Dom