Friendships

i've been staring at this blank screen for the past fifteen minutes with so many things to say, but unsure of how to say it.

lately, i've been wondering if the trust i confide in people is merely me being nieve. i want to believe that everyone is a good person with the right intentions. however, i think i've mistaken this world for heaven. it really makes me sad that i chose to think differently about people but then they just disappoint me. is that a part of life? because if it is the wall that i've built around my heart is only going to grow higher and thicker.

next to family, God, boyfriend, and education friends become a pretty important thing in my life. friends are who are my support, and my backbone. they are who i cherish memories with that will forever be implanted into my heart. i choose my friends wisely, especially with the help of my sisters. they're pretty good at who's worth keeping around and confiding in. lately, they've done a good a job but i think the meaning of friendship gets drawn out and people begin to forget the real meaning.

just these past couple of weeks i stood up and confronted friends in a large group of people for the first time. for me, it can be intimidating and just scary to voice my opinion but at the end of the day i felt so great that i did that. it just became easier and in my heart i knew that i did the right thing. it kills me to hear someone bad mouthing my friends. and it kills me even more to know my own friends are bad mouthing me when i'm not around. and this is when i wonder if the word friendship even exists.

my heart is so guarded. and what comes out of my mouth will also be guarded. you damage the friendship, i will forever cut the rope that is unrepairable. sounds harsh, but i will not allow people to walk into my life and degrade me. i live a blissful life and i do not need people to instill this constant feeling of worry and animosity. i am so content with just having the one i love and family in my life that losing another person will just become a part of a routine. God has brought you in and out for a reason. and i'm okay with that.

this weekend has just opened my eyes to so much more. even though i was filled with atrocity i am free of that feeling now.

i leave tomorrow for a christian festival, Icthus, in kentucky and i'm beyond excited. i can't wait to not only free my mind of atrocity but just to free my soul from everything that has happened in this month alone. i know there is a plan to why everything happens the way it does i just have to be patient and let everything run its course.

i know i'm content with my life and honestly, that's all that really matters.

xoxo
Dom