new life.

if i told you that i forgot about my blog i'd be lying to you.
if i told you finding time to blog is problematic,  i'd be telling you the truth.

how did i find time tonight? well, i'm sacrificing sleep to write whats on my mind and heart.

at this point i'm not sure where to begin. i go to school, work and live a healthy lifestyle.
i'm in the suburbs of ohio which limits my activities and makes my life seem rather lifeless.

however i had to do something the other day that i thought i'd never do. don't imagine something irrational and obscure because i'm not one to do something of that sort. but, it was something i had to do for myself. i would go into detail, but if i did i would get endless emails and texts wanting me explain myself even more.

today i thought about the most radical yet abstruse question you can ask.
"why does God put me in positions where i feel hopeless and weak?"

i don't really have an answer. of course he wouldn't give me something i couldn't handle. but why something that barricades me from my future..from our future? that one mistake has left the future i wanted caved in. all that i've done and held on to for these last couple of years are now at the bottom of this cave. i don't ever expect a favor in return, but i also don't expect to be let down by someone who was a priority in my life.

trying to comprehend what had happened gives me a knot in my stomach, a throbbing pain in my head, and a strangely nauseous feeling. maybe because it reminds me of how i was treated by scumbags in the past. and when i thought i had something so real, and perfect the word scumbag becomes easier to say again.

from this day forward my life, my future, my dreams and aspirations are forever changed. not necessarily for the bad, but neither for the good. i'm such a systematic person and planning on a daily basis is what i do. but for the first time in a long time i'm not sure where to turn. the best i can do is move forward. hand over my life and have faith that my life isn't over.

my sisters continued to tell me today that everything happens for a reason. so cliche yet so undeniable.

day one is over. being independent starts now.
i'm afraid of the future, and how my life is going to be now.
but, with my family and friends 100% supportive i know i can do all things.
especially through Christ.

xoxo,

Dom